Beyond One's Feeling

One’s sadness

Belongs to the world's connectedness

Overwhelming feeling of aloneness

That flows through a heart of self abusiveness

For taking over our world’s wounds

That you might think belongs to your background

But bigger than you, you may only drowned

In its roots that you may only see in the underground

Ahh, ouch, I feel, it flows, I don’t know what to do with it

Step back and sit

Watch that this is bigger than what you’ve commit

Walking away does not make you an hypocrite

Yes, let go, don’t let it drowned you

You are allowed to release and this is well overdue

You have nowhere else to go to

Nothing then your freedom is to be pursue

Step back in your power

Let light pour on you as a shower

Accepting that you may receive abundance as an answer

Letting this sadness being the water helping the sprout of your inner flower

Yes be sad, feel it, but let it go

Feel sadness of others and let it flow

Witness our mother earth’s wounds but know

It is not yours to carry, don’t be Romeo.

Picture from Bruna Brandao

Witnessing the sadness of our earth flow through the tears of this powerful woman while sitting down in a peyote ceremony in Mexico is what inspired this piece. ’Ahhh mama earth, I'm so sorry. I am so sorry.. How could we have done… Your pain is my pain… Please forgive me…I... I feel you...Please…Please forgive me... Please...let me give... let me give all I have...I’m so…Iḿ so sorry...’’ Tears and tears, never ending tears of this deep infinite sadness much bigger than this woman's body could carry.

Sadness and sadness, could I witness through this beautiful giving human. Until her child wakes up from the circle, it’s about 2 am, walks towards her and gives a hug. ’’Mommy, I love you. ’’

Being more of a sensitive subject, feeling quite vulnerable to dive through it. This might be why diving in it is the right way. Within a week, three important people in my life approached me and shared pretty much the same: ’’Laurence, I have this sadness in me, it’s always there, beyond my smile there’s this deep sadness’. Breaking my heart to deeply feel that this sadness they were trying to share about with me was an inconsolable sadness. It was much more profound than the consequence of a life experience.

This sadness exists, it is in each one of us when we allow it to be felt. Some of us have it put on their life path and can’t be numbed. That does not mean it needs to be carried, it means you need to pass through it. The deeper you dive down this sadness the harder it is to see the light, to see that this sadness may only exist because of all the joy that is as well existing. The tears of this sadness is what waters our land, allowing a whole forest to flourish. Allowing life to sprout.

You are not alone. This deep filling of loneliness, especially felt when a room full of people, when you look around and feel so disconnected, feeling that everyone in that room smiling and laughing is connected only with this mask you’ve put on that morning. None of these people see you, truly see you. Hears that when you answer ’’Iḿ good’’ you truly mean ’’Shiiit, where could I start, if you would ever even let me take a real breath to feel in, I have no clue what could come out. I’m actually terrified of what could come out of my mouth. I’m probably too heavy for you to stay with me if I even open a bit of what’s behind this smile. I’ll swallow up my open wounds, put a smile and answer good.’’

You see everyone in this world carries sadness but that also means we all carry joy. Knowing you have all the sadness of the world in you and as well all of the joy, which way do you want to follow? Witnessing the healing path lots of people from my surrounding takes, it always fascinated me to see how endless it becomes. Forever may you stay overwhelmed by it.

It wouldn’t be vulnerable of me if I only dived into the sadness of others. Having chosen a path of aliveness, I sometimes catch myself disregarding my sadness. Especially having grown up in an environment where no space was held for it. I can assure though that I feel, ooh a lot do I actually feel… Much more that I allow myself to show. I can quickly catch myself being lost in it as so much pain surrounds us. So much pain have I witnessed while growing in my home country with a perfect image and a painful truth, travelling for years around the world to out of the path places, participating and facilitating self discovery programs or simply being a friend holding space for one to open. Of course, as well, every time I’ve allowed myself to be vulnerable and open up it often led to a hurtful moment that led my heart in a deeper sense of feeling. One friend shared with me recently: ’’sadness is one of my favorite emotion, it’s a reflection of how much I love.’’ This resonated a lot to where I am today. Beautiful can it be to be able to feel, open and love.

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